Having Twins
Having twins means being part of a special club that generates fascination and curiosity from those with twins and for those without twins. It also means some challenging parenting lies ahead. Let me take you through the parenting stages of having twins.
Parenting Newborn Twins
This is the “can’t stop to think blurry stage”.
Having newborn twins means a relentless feeding schedule and sleepless nights. Working out ways to feed two babies at once or managing an out of sync twin baby feeding schedule all par for the course for parents of twins. Trying to keep your twins on a similar feeding and napping schedule is almost pointless at the newborn stage particularly when feeding on demand.
Night feeds roll in to one large blur and you forget who you fed and when and which crib you placed which twin particularly if you have identical twins. Identical twins who look different to one another during the day to their parents look the same at night when you are barely functioning. I would strongly recommend keeping a written feeding schedule to help you make sense of the blur.
Coping with almost zero sleep is tough and you can’t wait for your twins to sleep through the night; you may be waiting a long time!
This stage will also mean that hardly anything else gets done other than caring for and feeding your babies. Forget housework or at least do not get stressed by the lack of time to do any. You will be grateful of any extra help particularly at feeding time.
The ability to even leave the house before lunch time is unlikely and grocery shopping needs to be fast and fitted in between feeds and is in truth something best left for grocery delivery.
Parenting Twins Approximately Age 3 months
This is the “I realise I have to be very creative and practical to manage” stage.
Your babies feeding schedule through the night may if you are lucky have lessened a little and you may be getting a little more sleep. You are probably striving to keep your twins on a similar feeding and napping schedule.
You have probably become a person who is constantly in search of a creative way to manage your twins and often feel deflated or frustrated when you fail to divide yourself successfully in two. Although now well practised at doing the lifting and shifting required with twins when you want to move from room to room and your babies need to come with you, it is likely you are still looking for solutions to manage better.
You might be worrying about how to comfort and cuddle them at the same time and will try various yoga positions in order to do so!
Now your babies are more “interactive” and curious about the world around them you are going to be finding ways of keeping them happy and pondering over toys, seats and various other products.
You will realise that anything you do has to be adapted to manage twins including bath time, negotiating shopping and getting out of the house on time.
Parenting Twins Age 6 months
This is “I’m starting to realise just how much fun twins can be” stage.
Your probably weaning or think about it which means your babies having something else to interest them – food! You will be considering high chairs and safety and will soon get used to the mess that twins make.
You will have realised by now that going out and about with twins brings much attention, stupid questions and very personal questions such as how you gave birth. What’s more you will always answer them, what else can you do?
You are realising that safety is key when you have two babies. Leaving babies on your living room floor who are rolling over or thinking about crawling whilst you nip to the loo is soon going to mean soon enough one of them or both attempts to climb the stairs whilst the other one is going to be emptying your kitchen cupboards. Even before they can do this they can topple over whilst sitting up but to take two babies with you every time you need a pee is impractical. A soft rest and play area or playpen is a good idea.
Bath Time has become even more of a challenge as your twins splash around. By now you will surely have invested in two of the baby bath seats otherwise it will be separate bath times.
Parenting Twins Age 9 Months
This is the “why did I think crawling would be so much better for me as Twin Mum?”
You are now understanding that dividing yourself in two doesn’t go away. If you are a mother of Twins you have to find ways around this problem. They are crawling and getting up to all kinds of mischief. You need a bank loan for the play pen and/or baby safety gates just to twin proof every possible scenario.
Parenting Twins 1 Year Old
This is the “why did I think walking would be so much easier?” stage
You wanted them to walk but walking twins means that when two 1 year olds scream from their buggy to be free and try out their new found skill you twin mum do not have enough hands to manage safely and thus must keep your twins safely seconded in their pushchair screaming. How can you push one double pushchair and have a hand each for your twins? Answer, you can’t!
If you dare step out with your twins without double buggy you will realise that you still need to go in two different directions as one twin stops fascinated by something on the pavement whilst the other twin decides they want to move quickly forward. Reins are important in my view but even then it is reminiscent of walking two erratic puppies on leads.
Parenting Toddler Twins
This is the “safety, safety and it’s hard carrying two toddler’s” stage
Toddler Twins are in to everything and they can now move very quickly. It means that a trip to a park full of exciting climbing apparatus and swings can be a nightmare for twin parents. Once again, how do you divide yourself in two if your twins decide they aren’t going to follow one another around or stick to each other like glue?
You realise that cute little trikes and push alongs are worse than negotiating one double buggy and only doable when you have a willing helper to take your twins out for a ride.
Toddler Twins are also now resisting being strapped into their car seats and the time it takes for you to encourage or coax two children into the car your freezer shopping has defrosted – you get the idea!
On the upside, your twins might just be sleeping a bit more which means you won’t be so worn out during the day which is just as well because when you have to perform the double lift it takes up a lot of energy now they are bigger!
Parenting Pre-School Twins
This is the “we are practically easier to manage now” stage
Twins at this stage in my opinion are now easier to manage from a practical and safety point of view. They are more sturdy on their feet and more independent. Bath Time and Getting out and About for example has all become easier; not completely without difficulties but easier. They will still cause havoc when shopping and constantly bicker over the seat in the shopping trolley and require in and out from the basket and wandering on foot around the shop but you can of course choose on line shopping!
Through my own experience, go through numerous phases during each day. One moment they are happily playing together and the next they are fighting. The most difficult thing for twin parents is helping two frustrated 3 ,4, 5 year olds work out their problems. Dividing much needed individual time is sometimes difficult to balance particularly if you have other children too. Twins will fight for the attention they need.
Bedtime routines can take longer whilst you read stories and try to reassure and settle two children.
Parenting Twins Ages 5+
This is what I call the “home and dry” stage
At age 5 and probably likely to be going to school, twin parents can start to breath. They no longer need to perform the double carry as both twins are more than capable of walking everywhere. The double buggy is long gone and out of use. A hand each is plenty to keep them safe and you no longer need someone to help you carry equipment and luggage for them for a day out – a ruck sack on the back is ample.
End Note
I have two sets of twins currently ages 9 and 4. It may seem like this particular page highlights the challenges and difficulties with parenting twins rather than focusing on the joys but it is real life experience from having twins. There are practical challenges when twins are young. You may think I stop at age 5 because that’s when they can go to school and I get more time to myself and hand them over to the schooling system but in fact this couldn’t be further from the truth. I am still very much on my twin parenting journey and loving every minute of it, so much so we have actually chosen to home-school our children. That is another story!
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