Our Fraternal Twins Sleep Story
My fraternal twins owned a Moses Basket and a Cot Bed each. Attempts were made at sleeping them in their Moses Baskets in their own room but I found myself up for most of the night, initially with feeding them and comforting them and they frequently spent time in my own bed because of this. The baskets were then moved to my bedroom with a similar night shift spent mostly awake feeding one or both and then napping in between.
They slept in their Moses Baskets, Pram and Car Seats during the day. I wish I could say I slept when they slept as per the recommendations but usually the little time I had when both were sleeping was spent sterilising and preparing feeds, grabbing a shower or feeding myself. Those first few months were relentless. Sometimes they slept at the same time, other times only one would be awake. I remember a friend of mine at that time questioning my lack of sleep and asking me “why don’t they sleep at the same time?” Just because you have twins doesn’t mean to say they do everything at the same time all the time. As they get older you can help them synchronize but they don’t always do it naturally as I discovered.
I quickly realised that we needed a routine but accepted that it was unlikely until the babies had got a little bigger. So, I decided to do whatever it took to get as much sleep as possible in order to cope with the day time shift. Only those who have had twins would believe me but for the first few months without exaggeration I was lucky to be getting 3 hours sleep per night and that wouldn’t be in one solid sleep.
At around 12 weeks and still night feeding, the twins were still spending time in and out of my bed and in their Moses baskets. They had really outgrown their baskets so it was time to try them in their full sized cot beds. The attempts at getting them to sleep in these in their own room began. Often they would start the night in their cots with my son going off to sleep quite early but my daughter not settling till later. Their body clocks were very different and try as I might to get them to follow each other they fought it.
Inevitably, for us this meant that my son went to sleep before his twin and by the time she went to sleep it was soon time to feed my hungry son again for his late night bottle. I would then be fighting sleep myself to feed my daughter again for her late night feed. I tried feeding my daughter at the same time as my son even if she wasn’t really quite ready. I tried waking one twin when the other one was already awake. I truly spent most of my time awake feeding or settling one or the other twin. I was tired.
I had positioned a chair in between their cots and there I sat getting zero sleep. This scenario could not continue so I placed a single mattress on the floor between the cots so I could at least lie down and sleep. I recall putting my hands through the bars of their cots to place dummies back into mouths or just to rest my hand on their tummies providing comfort. This was a step up from the chair but still not a good way to sleep. So we upgraded to a double mattress and placed that between the cots and we also dropped the sides of each cot bed. This way I had no bars between us. If a baby was very unsettled I could reach out and bring them closer. If they were both unsettled which was more likely the case I had one either side. I was also able to feed them at night in this way propped up on pillows.
At last I had found a solution to my sleep deprivation or at least to get a bit more sleep than I was previously getting. I think it did condition them to co-sleeping but the priority at that time was for me to get some sleep in order to cope with the challenging day ahead. So, whilst I wouldn’t say this is the best solution what I will emphasise again is do whatever it takes to achieve the most sleep possible for everyone concerned. If you don’t, your days will be harder and miserable and that is no good for anyone.
The arrangements did eventually evolve to the cot beds being taken down completely and their mattresses being used as extra space on our floor based sleeping area!
I am trying to recall when the night feeds stopped. I think we were around the one year mark when the last one went so it had been a long year! I think it helped switching to the cows milk and dispensing of the bottles. The cows milk went straight into a beaker and they would have a beaker full just before bed time and then again in the morning. On occasions my son would wake and I would give him more milk just in case he was waking for hunger and also to avoid waking his twin sister. Aged 7 and he is still hungry but ironically does not drink milk at all!
On reflection, I could have tried controlled crying but it’s not something I have ever been happy to try. Perhaps I could have separated them and maybe my daughter would have been conditioned to settle alone as she wasn’t the hungry twin demanding so many feeds. The other main problem with sleeping on mattresses opposed to a cot environment means they are free to get up and move about as soon as they are able to crawl. Suffice to say we had a safety gate on their bedroom door.
Again, I make the point of doing whatever you can to manage with the support systems you have in place to get you through this short period of time. There is no right or wrong answer.
