Twin Toddlers Biting

Our Identical Twin Girls went through a biting stage although it was only one twin who was actually doing the biting; the other twin was on the receiving end.  To say we were displeased with this behaviour is an understatement.  To see teeth imprints and marks where the blood and been raised to the surface of the skin personally made me feel very cross with our twin who was doing the biting.  She never bit anyone outside of the family circle and mostly she would bite her twin.

Clearly we understand as adults that this is not socially acceptable behaviour but how do you relay to a toddler that this kind of behaviour is wrong?

For us it was clear that most of the biting episodes were taking place when our twin was either trying to get our attention or when she was defending her toys from being taken by her sister.  We always told her NO in a very firm but calm manner but during a couple of the biting episodes that had taken place when nobody was looking, we did make sure our biting twin took a good look at the result of her biting upon her twin sister’s arm or back!  We told her how wrong this was and how she had hurt her sister.  Fortunately, for us the biting phase came and went fairly quickly and it didn’t take more than a few strong No’s and a few interventions and simple explanations from all the family before the biting stopped.

So, why do some toddlers bite?

Well first up, in my view, biting is no different from hitting, pushing or kicking etc except that it seems more extreme.    As Toddlers have yet to learn how to communicate effectively biting may be the way in which they communicate.  It may simply be out of frustration and an impulse reaction to something they dislike. As with our twins, non-biting twin would decide she wanted to play with a toy that her twin sister was playing with and she would decide to take the toy resulting in the twin who was happily playing biting the hand that attempted to take her toy away.

Toddlers may bite out of anger but they probably don’t understand just how much pain they are causing even when you show them the result of their biting as we did.   Others may bite because they are simply experimenting and learning how their body works.

How to Deal with Your Twin Toddlers biting

The best way to deal with the biting problem is to work out the reason behind the biting.  Is it because your toddler gets more attention this way; are they experimenting by learning how their body works; is it out of frustration and which type of situations are they in when they react in this way.

Whatever the reasons and while identifying the reasons behind the biting, you need to act promptly.  A firm NO needs to be enforced when they do it.  Wherever possible stop the bite from taking place in the first place.  Explain to them that biting hurts and is not a nice thing to do.  Show them how to be nice by stroking their arm or giving them a hug instead.  This can be hard when you are feeling cross from the bite.  Whatever you do, do not bite back.

Often with twins it can be that the twin who is biting may be the one who needs some extra help or attention.  If it is out of attention and a bite has taken place a firm NO still needs to be told and attention should be given to the twin on the receiving end of the bite which should give a clear message to the biting twin that it’s an unproductive way of getting attention.

If your child seems to be experimenting with their new teeth then ensure they have plenty of toys they can chew on and remind them that they are not to bite anything other than these toys or their food.

If you think they are doing it in defence of say a toy being taken from them, explain how we tell someone NO or how we say STOP.  It could just be that your child needs to learn how to express their feelings and communicate.  Remind them that our mouths are for talking and eating, not biting other people.

It is important to praise the biting child when they are behaving and being gentle and kind to their twin or any other playmate including Mum or Dad as this is allowing them to have attention in the right way instead of gaining attention in the wrong way.

A Toddler will understand clear positive commands and short explanations.  Finally, persistence is key, don’t expect your biting child to just instantly stop biting the first time you tell them NO; it may take a few times for them to understand but stick with it.